Mraky pluji oblohou,
cerny svit me ozari.
Deprese je to jedine
co mam ted na blizku.
Proc?
Co jsem udelala spatneho?
Kamaradkam..
Doufam,ze brzo slunko vysvitne,
a ze vsechno zase bude tak jak ma byt.

Clouds float in the sky,
black shine comes down.
Depression is the only thing
which is close to me now.
Why?
What did i do wrong?
To my friends..
I am hoping, that soon the sun will shine,
and everything will be alright again.

..Gloom..

I am having weird feelings again. Whenever i think about THAT i just feel so painful and hopeless. Why am i like this, why cant i get over it? Others can get over it, why not me. Maybe it takes time, yeah definitely. I just feel like hugging someone and cry on her shoulders but thats stupid. Now i realised in this state of things i there are no shoulders i can cry on. Feeling lonely. Depressed.

That long ago happiness seems to be draining out and is making me sick. Now i am talking rubbish, but it's true to some extent. Everyone needs love.
Also wondering whether anyone reads my boring blog nowadays, nothing much interesting happens.

I had a talk with my mum about THAT, and she provided a good reason for her behaviour and how i am being a pest to her. Is it true?? Am i an irritating friend who always follows someone around like a whiny dog? Until the other person gets irritated, yeah. I am so so so confused. Now i am at a loss of what to do and how to behave. Should i act cool, indifferent, ignore, try to smile even though it's a fake smile, break down, hugg, avoid? Seems like nobody cares about me anymore, maybe i need to find some new friends and hang out with my classmates more. I feel that i have been neglecting them and they also deserve my affection.

It would be awesome to have a best friend and soulmate to share all my secrets with, one who would not avoid me. One who would be there when i am in this kind of mood. When will i get over it? I feel like a super super small person right now. A small person crumbles by the smallest disappointments and rejections. Sounds like me. I feel like telling someone but there is no one to tell to, and i dont want to bother her anymore. I have bothered her enough. Blehh. Enough of my ranting now!

Wheeww.. and i think i am eating too much. It just seems like the most pleasant thing to do right now. Just baked brownies today and put in too much oil. And did i mention that i am fat?

What a super sucky day! Yesterday too. Since mission trip.

I have realised that some things and people affect me a lot. Unfortunately.

"it's always the ones closest to you that you lose"