Lalala i am going to do my art prep today for my exam tomorrow.. Infiltrate! yeps. All the best to those ppl doing exams today, i am praying for y'all!! XD Tis a great feeling to know that in a few more days we will all be free and able to go out and enjoy life. Totally fun. yea.

True but a little contradictory..

Feel like i am going around in circles, like a hamster running in tat running wheel.. not moving forward. Just checked some posts on my old blog posted last year. It seems tat i was so much happier back then when ppl said i was so bubbly and lively. oh no, wats happening? Not again pleeaasee God.. Seems to have so many conflicting feelings, moodswings etc. Feels like being an ostrich with my head stuck in the sand, wanting everything to go away as i have not found the substance to face it yet. grrr. It's not tat i dun want to face it, i do, but fraid that my abilities are not good enough (uh huh), anyone can see that, it's quite obvious.

Facing my character and my half formed abilities, venting my anger and insecurity on others and leadership meetings.
Feeling abandoned by my friends.

It's just like this strangling fear.. nonono.. go away.. IN THE NAME OF JESUS!

Well. I can pray and all but it dont seem to fix anything. Guess i will just get lost in my art for a while, for the whole day perhaps (gotta finish it).

I want to be secure in myself and God, confident, cheerful, outgoing, lively, communicative, funny, a blessing to others, helpful, servant-hearted, bold, thick-skinned, loving, forgiving, generous.
Know that others can only help me this far, so i have to do the rest by myself and finally stop complaining. The problem is that whatever i do during the situation seems to turn out wrong, and when i ponder over it there seems like a million ways i could have done better. They seem like the logical things any leader would do. Am i just so small that i cannot do them?

Art, here i come. And may i do it well.